sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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