he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
