White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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