SEEEEXXX PLEASE
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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