An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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