erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
