i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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