They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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