The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
smell my finger.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
