I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
