At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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