I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
