no, he came in my armpit
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
