My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
