I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
