Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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