kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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