I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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