Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
