I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
