dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
