No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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