I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
