$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
