I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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