I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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