It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
