i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
