He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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