Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
