i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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