As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
