you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
