am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
