its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
