Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i think my cat just said my name.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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