Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
