We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
