I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
