every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
