he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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