If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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