he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
