im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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