Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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