I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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