Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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