you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
false alarm, still single
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
