That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
