Sponge bath it is.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize