It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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