ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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