right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
