I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
