Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
