This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
