She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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