there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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