i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
