its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
