So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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