My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
