i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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