Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was confusing and full of hummus
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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