tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The ass gains better be worth it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
